• I’m at swim lessons with the boy and I am kinda jealous of a 3 yr old girls bikini…

• I just saw some woman put her kid in timeout 4 times for about 30 seconds. You’re doing it wrong, bitch!

• I think the loud typer at work is getting canned

• I can’t find my kid. Glad he’s with a lifeguard

• I am soooo ready to go to the beach next week

• I’m such an idiot for wearing jeans today

• I have heartburn. Every. Day.

• Seriously, where’s my son?

• Later dudes